There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you – Maya Angelou

Archive for the ‘Social Issues’ Category

Despair, Human Decency, and Hope

I’ve often been reminded of an event that happened in my life less than 18 months ago. This story is a culmination of clarity for me in why I strive to always live my life with kindness, compassion, and love.

Though I grew up as a Christian under many denominational influences, I do not consider myself a Christian now. I do still value that which is good in Christian ideals, and those ideals still influence me a great deal. I believe that Jesus was a wise man who was positively and deeply influenced in a spiritual way, so I genuinely feel moved by his teachings. I believe that Jesus taught love above all else, and to me THAT is our purpose on Earth. Love comes easily for me because I think love and the desire to help others is encoded in my very DNA. I do not like to see others suffer, and it seems I am always reaching out in one way or another to help people who are worse off than I am.

Even when I was homeless in 2019, I carried various supplies in my car (blankets, socks, protein shakes, bottled water, snack bars…) to give to homeless folks in need. Sometimes I gave up my personal items if I saw someone have a greater need than I did. 

This particular story began one day when I pulled up in front of a 7-Eleven, where I saw an emaciated, homeless woman sitting out front, in her sock feet, bawling her eyes out. Most people would have avoided her. I know from personal experience the homeless are treated like the plague. There is a great deal of misperception about who the homeless really are and how they got where they are, but that subject is for another time. As I saw this woman crying, my heart led me to approach her and ask if she needed anything. All she said was “water would be nice.” 

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

Water! My God! It was summer, it was hot, and all she wanted was one of the most basic necessities of life itself! I told her I would get her the water and I went inside. But, I didn’t  want to stop at the water. She very obviously needed food, so I shopped for the biggest sandwich I could find. I picked up a small bag of chips as a treat. I got what I went in there for, then checked out. I put her water, sandwich, chips, and a couple of bucks in change inside a bag, went outside and handed her the bag. She stood up, took the bag, and looked inside as I said, “I hope your day gets better.” 

She looked up at me and smiled through her tears and said, “It already has.” Then she asked if she could give me a hug. I told her yes. I didn’t even hesitate at this request. She put her arms around me, and I put my arms around her. As she sobbed on my shoulder, I could feel every bone in her back: vertebrae, ribs, and shoulder blades. And all I could feel was pure sorrow at her condition. But, I also felt deep joy at being able, in spite of my own homelessness, to help her with food and water. 

She only held onto me for a few seconds, and when she let go she thanked me and walked away in her sock feet. Her tears had stopped. Was this her only need at that moment? How simple and basic was that? How very easy it was for me to give her food and water! 

But, this story is not about me. This story is about her! I do not know her name, but I have chosen to call her Hope. She was in far worse condition than I was. I still had a job, money, access to food, and a car, and she didn’t have any of these things – not even a pair of shoes! And what was my “sacrifice?” 

* acknowledging she had a need & asking her what it was

* 5-7 minutes of my time

* $10

* a few words

* wishing her a better day

* and a hug

What I gave her was no sacrifice on my part at all. It was practically nothing from my perspective, but for her it was the very essence of life itself: 

* food

* water

* being seen & acknowledged as a human being

* given a bit of dignity and respect

* and receiving love through human contact. 

I left there with tears in my eyes. All I could do was pray for her. I have never felt a sense of self-importance in doing a good deed for another human being – especially for Hope. Instead, I have felt blessed in being able to give her life-sustaining essentials. And my only wish is that everyone else would be so kind. If everyone else in this world could stop for 5 minutes and give to someone in need – whatever that translates to – then we would surely live in a better world, and quite possibly not see people fall into such desperate need. 

Photo by Jackson David from Pexels

I often think about her and wonder if anyone was able to pull her up out of such poverty and clear starvation. I would love to believe that she was given hope and a second chance at life instead of despair and mere survival. But instead I fear she may have perished while waiting for that helping hand. 

Jesus taught love. And 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 is perhaps the most powerful, jam packed, information we have ever been given on living a good and rewarding life. These few verses tell clearly what love is, and what it is not. This happens to be the message I try to live by in my life. In extending my hand out to others in love, I hope others will too. Our world is filled with many Hopes, as well as greed, selfishness, fear, and anger. But what if it was filled with love instead? 

And THIS is my mission in life: To love! To love with all my heart. But, in spite of this, I am not perfect and have fallen short in this desire. Love, and my desire to help, may run through my veins, but I too have been hurt by others and I have anger as a result. I have repeatedly trusted in the inherent good of others, and found my trust was misplaced. I have hated at least one person in my life, and I still struggle to find forgiveness in my heart for that person. I am normally a highly forgiving person, so for me not having reached forgiveness for that person tells me I was deeply wounded. The irony is that my hatred, and lack of forgiveness, only eats at MY soul and keeps that wounding alive. I know if I could let go of that anger, hurt, and hatred through forgiveness, I would be healed. I hope that the day I am finally able to let go and finally forgive comes sooner rather than later. 

Remember the popular WWJD? This is more than just a slogan. This is a way of life. May we all open our hearts to forgiveness and find a way to walk in love, carrying love in our hearts for all people – even for the people we feel may least deserve it.

What you can take away are these questions to think about, or to add answers here:

In what way have you found a way to give in love to someone who needed it?

Are there ways you can think of doing so moving forward?

Category:

Homeless People, Kindness & Love, Social Issues

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Out of Harmony with Our World, Others, and Ourselves.

Even this clock is not right twice a day

It is very interesting how life works sometimes. My entire life has been one catastrophe after another. As far back as I can recall, I seem to have always suffered from depression. By Junior High School I had worked up to anxiety and even PTSD. I am 55 years old now, living in a world that has become largely unhappy, angry, and disconnected, and people are dying in ever more numbers through the hands of others or by oneself.

Ever Swinging From One Side to Another

I have come to realize recently that we humans in our pursuit of happiness always seem to get our ideas of happiness completely screwed up. We strive for: perfection, making our lives easier, more independence and freedom, and a life filled with luxuries. And in this pursuit we develop rigid social behaviors, rebel against them, and then come back to those rigid standards. We never seem to find that happy balance between work and play, social cooperation and our independence, composure and all out drama. The pendulum seems to be continuously moving from one extreme to another. And happiness is short lived, while problems and worries abound.

I began my life in an era when people saw war as glorious, patriotism as honorable, dedication and loyalty to your job was noble, a strong work ethic was essential, manners and courtesy were so expected that there were social repercussions for stepping outside of those standards.

The Happy Housewife Vacuuming in a Dress & Heels

A woman’s worth was found in how clean and organized her home was, how well behaved and quiet her children were, how much of a lady she was, and in the amazing home cooked meals she could prepare on a tight schedule and budget. A man’s worth, was tied into his job, the promotions he got, the status he achieved, and how well he was able to support his family. We did not talk about feelings, and we considered psychiatry and therapy taboo and a sign of weakness. We lived in a very controlled society that demanded citizens never mix social or economic class. Prejudices and biases were openly expressed against races, cultures, ethnicities, religions, political affiliations, and the use of any language other than English. Our lives were rigid and judged harshly.

My early childhood saw a rebellion against such rigidity. Enter the ’60s cultural revolution, in which people dared to express dissatisfaction with the norms that separated people and defined them on narrow ideas. The expression of love and other feelings became paramount. Drug and alcohol use became an avenue to experience emotions that had been tightly repressed. War suddenly became an atrocity, feminism was born, men rebelled against the clean cut look by growing their hair and beards, Civil Rights gained ground, and “free love” replaced stigma attached to sexuality.

Seeking Deeper Meaning

With each new decade more rebellions were expressed, more freedoms were won for the socially and economically repressed, and better protections became available to several groups of people fighting for equal rights. Diversity became more accepted, and previous boundaries separating people began breaking down.

Civil Rights March

Technology began growing at an exponential rate, and I believe this cinched a complete change in our social structure. Women not only worked outside the home, but in more diverse professions. Jobs became less stable and more short-term. Communications became easier and more widespread, which took us outside of our communities, to an ever increasing distance, which brought us into a globally connected world in not only economics, but in our relationships.

Parking Lots Replace Green Space

With each new advancement in technology we became more competitive, and we also became more distant from our families, neighbors, community, and instead sought out relationships online, which disconnected us from personal interactions, and even allowed us to create personas which we presented to others as a way to gain more trust or acceptance from our online friends. Technology brought kids indoors for video and computer games, and many social gathering places began to be replaced by malls, cookie-cutter homes, and parking lots. Fewer and fewer green spaces were available because people did not spend as much time outdoors.

Lives Divided

It is this movement towards technology, and the four walls that surround it, that we began losing the connection to not just the people around us, but also that connection to ourselves and even nature. We moved from a rigid standard of behavioral expectations, to a short period of self-expression and exploration, to an even more removed set of standards. And more people are dying from loneliness, disconnection, and inability to create a better life because we have been chasing false dreams, hopes, and expectations. 

Countless Dollars Spent

After a life of spiraling downwards, with debt that exceeds imagination, a bottomed out credit score, working hard since I was 16 years old, always expecting to get ahead, and never getting there, and finally ending up homeless, I have come to realize some important things about our lives and us humans. In our pursuit of independence we become socially disconnected and apathetic towards others. While engaging in competition with each other, we set ourselves apart from our families, and members of our community, reaching towards a higher status than others around us. We create amazing technology to make our lives easier, but then end up working harder to keep up our status and remain employed while technology strips many of our jobs. We work hard, losing connections while competing, developing fake personas to impress our coworkers, bosses, and online friends, and ultimately we become vulnerable to a tragic social brainwashing fraught with many lies, which creates enormous amounts of envy, hatred, intolerance for others’ successes and failures, and ultimately a disconnect with ourselves and even reality.

Is this You?

Do you believe there is a social disconnect? Do you feel lost and unable to find your place in this world? Are you falling behind or moving ahead in your connections with family, friends, neighbors, and local community? Do you believe we are moving forward or backward in our connection with the world? Why? What do all you Baby Boomers see? What do you Millennials see? Anyone from Gen X or Gen Z have any viewpoints on this? (Please identify your generation when commenting.)

Category:

My Life, Social Issues

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Recent Criticism of Classic Holiday Television Shows

As we find ourselves in the midst of the Holiday Season this year, we have noticed recent criticisms of some of the more timeless classic holiday television shows.  Here, I will address specifically “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” (1973) and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (1964).

I am not one of the people who will criticize these shows for the obvious problems associated with them because I am old enough to long ago have realized these things.  You see, I was born in 1964, and I grew up watching these shows – along with many other shows – that either confronted these same issues or simply did not bring attention to them at all.  I lived in the same society that struggled with these issues daily.  Society was kind of in a tug-of-war with itself.  

We like to think of the 1950s as very conservative and reserved, full of high moral values while the 1960s were breaking free of those restraints with drug experimentation, more liberal ideas around dress, music, sex and just about everything.  The truth is that we still had a long way to go when it came to many things, and television shows like “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” pushed the envelope by reflecting back to us exactly what was wrong in our society.  These were adult issues being disguised in happy little cartoons that adults and children could understand.

In “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving,” Peppermint Patty starts off the problems by inviting herself over to Thanksgiving dinner with Charlie Brown – even though he already has plans to spend the evening at his grandmother’s home.  Charlie Brown finds himself “tongue tied” and unable to explain to her that he already has plans before she hangs up.  Before he knows it, she has invited several more friends.  Linus saves the day by suggesting Charlie Brown simply have everyone arrive earlier, which will allow him to spend time with his friends and still get him to his grandmother’s in time for dinner. 

But poor Charlie Brown doesn’t know how to cook.  No worries, they make buttered toast and popcorn and serve jelly beans, pretzels, and ice cream – all with Snoopy’s help!  But, as dinner is served, Peppermint Patty gets indignant about the lack of traditional turkey, pie, and other items normally served during Thanksgiving.  Poor Charlie Brown leaves  the table.  Marcie has to remind Peppermint Patty that this whole Thanksgiving affair was her idea in the first place, which makes her realize she was being too hard on her friend “Chuck.”  Unfortunately, Peppermint Patty talks Marcie into apologizing to Charlie Brown on her behalf, which is accepted.

The criticism of the show comes mainly from the seating arrangements around the table.  It has been noticed that not only are all the white kids and Snoopy sitting on all sides of the tables except the side on which Franklin – the only black kid – is sitting, but they are also sitting in normal chairs, while Franklin is sitting in a rickety lawn chair that apparently also tips over or breaks at some point.  They claim that because of these two things, the show was being racist.  I actually disagree with this assessment.

What people have forgotten about is the time period in which the show was written.  It is true that racism in our country was still alive and well and civil rights were still being fought for.  (Racism is still an issue we are dealing with even now – some 45 years later.)  The creator of the Peanuts cartoon actually fought to include Franklin in his comic.  I feel Charles Schultz was actually progressive, and I also feel that the show does a great job of reflecting back to us exactly what was wrong.  We see in the show Charlie Brown welcoming Franklin into his home, and they even have a cool “bro” handshake.  Obviously, Franklin is welcome and a friend.  But what happens around the dinner table becomes telling of what happens even when we include our friends of color: they still manage to get left out.  So the question becomes why?  What happened between the front door and the dinner table?  Why is he accepted on one level, but somehow left out on another level?  Where did the disconnect happen?  I think the show does a great job of showing us where we still need ask ourselves these questions.

Then we have the story of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” which also came under similar criticism for some of the same kinds of reasons.  Poor little Rudolph is born to proud parents, but immediately, his nose shines bright and red, to his father’s dismay.  His father immediately tries to hide it from view when Santa comes to visit.  But as things go, the disguise quickly fails, and Santa displays his dissatisfaction.  The other reindeer – including the adult coach – also see his nose when he tries out for the reindeer games, and they make a point of making fun of him and excluding him from future practices.  He has by this time fallen head over heels for a cute little fawn named Clarice, whose father has now called her home and forbidden them to see each other.

Rudolph then meets Hermey, who is an elf that hates making toys, and whose only desire is to become a dentist.  Having been forced to comply to toy making, he has decided to run away.  Rudolph joins him.  They find themselves in great danger and eventually find the Island of Misfit Toys, where they want to stay because they are misfits and feel a kinship.  But, they are not allowed to stay because even amongst misfits, they do not fit in since they are not toys.  They end up going back home, where a happy ending is found by everyone.  Namely, this comes from everyone realizing that there is a place for everyone, even if it wasn’t the place they all thought it should be.  There also seems to be an underlying message of forgiveness.

The criticism for the show is multi-layered as it is full of discrimination, bullies, sexism, and a whole host of other biases.  Again, what is forgotten is the time period in which the show came out.  The original story of Rudolph was written in the 1930s, the enchanting song about this reindeer was written in the 1940s, and the show came out in the 1960s – all before civil rights and feminism movements hit full swing and long before we even considered making bullying a part of our school curriculum.  And yet, what this story and television show expand upon is that there are a lot of social injustices evident in our modern civilized world; and in an animated production, these very issues are explored and reflected back at us in a way that children and adults can understand easily.  

In both cases, these television shows dared show us the ugly aspects of our humanity and did so in a very subtle way – only because we had been socialized in a certain belief system.  However, as we have evolved over the decades, becoming more sensitive to racism, feminism, bullying, and all types of biases and discrimination, it becomes more glaring to us and far less subtle.  The shows themselves are not being racist, or whatever the accusation is, but showing us that WE are being that thing.  They are showing us this behavior is wrong.  They dare us to re-examine ourselves and our attitudes.  When we can look at what is wrong in these shows, we need to stop blaming the show and truly look into ourselves and see what is wrong inside of us.

What I would be worried about in each of the shows instead is when Woodstock happily eats turkey at the end of “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving,” or when the misfit bird is thrown out of the sleigh without an umbrella at the end of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

Category:

Discrimination, Social Issues

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The Secret Handshake

Do I know It?

Recently a friend of mine reached a landmark birthday and opened up about not really knowing what was going on in his social interactions with other people.  He talked about feeling like everyone else had gone through a special “training class” that he had missed. I knew exactly what he meant because in my younger years, I too felt very similar in that I felt like everyone had been let in on the secret handshake, except me.

He went on to talk about how he felt like he was wearing masks, reflecting back what other people did and said, but that he really did not understand the rules or what was happening; it sometimes led to misunderstandings that baffled him too.  Again, I understood. I was often baffled by the opening greeting of “How are you?” When I let people know how I really was – and why, they never really seemed to be interested in hearing it. Why were they asking me how I was if they did not want to know? Why do we include this obligatory question in our greetings if all we really expect – and want – to hear is “fine,” whether we are or not?

But it wasn’t just this. There were many social rules I did not understand, and I often found myself breaking some unspoken rule or another. I also found that people were very often indirect, and I was left to guess what they meant.  Because I am not a mind-reader, I was often wrong, which led to a lot of misunderstandings. Why couldn’t people just be direct? Say what you mean! Ask for what you want!

When I was in the miltary, things were much easier to figure out. Social structure is very organized, the rules are very clear on how to behave around others of various ranks, and respect is expected of all.  As a soldier, I clearly understood where I fit in, how to behave, and how to interact.  The chain of command and procedures were well understood if there were any issues.

When I was discharged, I found myself confused by the civilian world. People were often jerks, chain of command did not work, and nothing I had learned in the military had translated into civilian life.  I had gone from order and understanding to chaos and confusion.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to believe that no one really does know “the secret handshake,” but everyone likes to pretend that they do. We wear masks in order to “fit in.”  How many times have I heard people say things like “I was born in the wrong country” or “…in the wrong time” or even “…on the wrong planet”? But none of us wants to admit openly we don’t know the secret handshake, nor do we want to remove our masks because to do so would be akin to getting caught with our pants down.

So, we keep picking up our masks, playing the games, and always wondering things like: who am I? who are these people? and what the hell just happened?!  

What about you? Do you feel the same way? Or is there really a secret handshake?

...yet with my feet on the ground
I look around
and see everyone's with me
confused as can be
and yet they pretend
what they do they intend
they make it up too
it's how they get through...
--GA Rosenberg

Category:

Belonging, Social Issues

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Image

Which One Is True? Both? Neither? Here is my take on it.

Which One Is True? Both? Neither? Here is my take on it.

Our Educational System Through Time:

There was a time when our educational system in America was valued. No matter how small a town was there always seemed to be a school, or a parent that taught their child at home. Teachers and a good education were valued and respected. The Three R’s were considered basic necessities. Not so much these days. And I think this is the real problem.

Over time we have dumbed our education down to the point that students are bored, and we have tied teachers’ hands by having stupid things in place like “no child left behind,” and teaching to state tests, not to mention discontinuing basic educational classes that gave children a chance to express themselves and burn off some energy like art, music and gym. It is no wonder we have a multitude of children in this country with ADD and ADHD! Half these kids are probably bored to death in school and cannot focus because their creativity and activity outlets have been stamped out and may not be ADHD at all.

When my child brought home an “A” paper in the 2nd grade that had atrocious spelling and punctuation errors, I questioned the teacher about it. Her response was that it was more important for the children to get their feelings on the paper than it was to correct their spelling and punctuation. It was important to build their self-confidence and not hurt their feelings. I was livid! And so went my child’s education.

Do you know they have stopped teaching handwriting in school now?!  I have always known that was a bad idea! And I was proven right when I saw 1st hand the result of this at my job the other night when I sat next to a young gal who continually handed me every letter written in by someone because she could not read the handwriting! GRRRRR! I was doing her job as well as mine, and I hardly think that is fair. If she cannot do the job required, then what is she doing there? Reading handwriting is a requirement of that job even though it is not an official requirement. But God-forbid if we should discriminate against someone on their lack of education!

My partner is an instructor of English at the college level and has been teaching for about 26 years. Do you know that she actually gets phone calls from college student parents wondering why their student “got” the grade they did?! Why wasn’t it an A? Well, there are two problems she faces: First, these students often know nothing about basic English, reading or writing skills; second, these students fail to show up for repeated classes and/or fail to turn in their homework. And yet, these students and their parents expect to be handed an A just by virtue of the fact that they are registered for and paying for these classes.

Other countries are far smarter than we are because they still value an education. Teachers are still respected. And in some places, teachers are actually given a fair salary! Our society as a rule cares about the standard of education, the parents care, the teachers care and the students have to care, because everyone else does too! Many Amercians are complaining that foreigners are taking our jobs, but has anyone ever stopped to think about why? (We won’t get into corporate greed sending all the unskilled and low paying jobs overseas.) Well, our white collar jobs require an education, and foreigners are being brought in to do our jobs because we can’t and they can! So, if you don’t like it, then get smart! Because this is a world economy now, and that is not going to change. Highly skilled jobs are still going to be needed no matter where we are in this world, and the people who have the education are going to go where the money is.

So, even though we may have blamed the the student and now blame the teacher, what we really need to do is look at ourselves and our overall societal attitude towards education. If the student doesn’t care, it is because no one around him does either. Social apathy. If the teachers fail, it is because of restricting laws and rules that prevent them from failing students who did not make the grade, or even preventing them from doing any real teaching because state laws mandate that X-number of students must pass the state test in order to get funding, so education halts before state tests come up so teachers can teach to the test!

And what about the parents? How many parents are sitting down with their kids every night to do homework with them? How many parents answer questions for their kids, or help their kids manage their time, or hire tutors for kids who are stuggling, or even volunteer at the school? Now, before all you parents get upset with me… I know that society does not support you either. I know many of you are out there working jobs and simply do not have the luxury of volunteering at the school or hiring a tutor because you are struggling financially and are too tired by the time you get home to do anything else. So, when do we get a society that supports us parents and our need to help our kids, too? Why are we working so hard and not rewarding parents, students and educators for quality education?

Written

on April 28, 2014

Zimmerman, Martin and Racism

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”—Martin Luther King, Jr.

Over the last few days I have read post after post on the case of Zimmerman and Martin and how this has become an issue of racism.  I have not actually read the news stories on this, so forgive me if I have the facts mixed up, but from what I have picked up from the posts, Zimmerman and Martin somehow ended up in a fist fight.  Zimmerman ended up retreating to his vehicle, where he was advised to remain.  But instead of following instructions, he took it upon himself to grab his gun, exit his vehicle and shoot Martin.  If, in fact, this is what happened, this is plainly and simply a matter of a man, who in the heat of the moment, shot and killed an unarmed man – not in self defense.  And I believe he should have received prison time for his actions.  But, he did not.  He was set free.  There are a good many people across our nation, for many reasons who are angered by this and feel justice has not been served.  I am one of them. 

The story above is explained without talking about race.  It is about two angry men, one of whom ends up dead.  And this is what the foundation of this story is.  But, as with all stories, there are details that “color” the story (pun not intended).  If we add in the fact that Martin is a black man and Zimmerman is white/Hispanic, then the story takes on new meaning in our society.  Ah, this story is about racism.  And truly, this is what most of the posts I have read have been about.  The accusation is that Zimmerman was let go because of White privilege.  Martin, the dead man, apparently was not entirely innocent because he had a history of violence, perhaps even a rap sheet, and he allegedly attacked Zimmerman first.  So, the victim in this case, became the aggressor.  Some people thought he deserved what he got.  Even if Martin is guilty of all of these things, Zimmerman had still retreated to the safety of his car.  At this point, the story could have turned out very differently.  Martin could have been charged with assault.  But, then it would still be a story about racism wouldn’t it?

You see, regardless of the outcome in these two scenarios, it is a story about racism.  But what if Martin and Zimmerman were the same race?  There would be no racial argument.  So, why is there now?  Is this truly a story about racism or is it a story about injustice?  What exactly did go wrong in that courtroom?  Why in today’s society do we assume it is about race? 

I think it is because racism is alive and well in our country.  We would like to believe we overcame it, but we still have people who cling to it.  Some white people still want to hate anyone who is not white, and some black people (and others) are racist against the white people.  It really is a shame we have all this hatred.  Imagine what we could accomplish as a society if we just let go of all this hatred and just started working together.   But, I think that is still far off. 

Whether the Zimmerman-Martin case is about racism or not, I think Zimmerman should have gotten prison time.  He got out of his vehicle against advice and shot a man resulting in his death.  This is an intentional act.  If people can go to prison for accidentally killing someone, then Zimmerman should certainly have gone to prison.

Category:

Discrimination, Social Issues

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