KatRubie's Thoughts on Life

Despair, Human Decency, and Hope

I’ve often been reminded of an event that happened in my life less than 18 months ago. This story is a culmination of clarity for me in why I strive to always live my life with kindness, compassion, and love.

Though I grew up as a Christian under many denominational influences, I do not consider myself a Christian now. I do still value that which is good in Christian ideals, and those ideals still influence me a great deal. I believe that Jesus was a wise man who was positively and deeply influenced in a spiritual way, so I genuinely feel moved by his teachings. I believe that Jesus taught love above all else, and to me THAT is our purpose on Earth. Love comes easily for me because I think love and the desire to help others is encoded in my very DNA. I do not like to see others suffer, and it seems I am always reaching out in one way or another to help people who are worse off than I am.

Even when I was homeless in 2019, I carried various supplies in my car (blankets, socks, protein shakes, bottled water, snack bars…) to give to homeless folks in need. Sometimes I gave up my personal items if I saw someone have a greater need than I did. 

This particular story began one day when I pulled up in front of a 7-Eleven, where I saw an emaciated, homeless woman sitting out front, in her sock feet, bawling her eyes out. Most people would have avoided her. I know from personal experience the homeless are treated like the plague. There is a great deal of misperception about who the homeless really are and how they got where they are, but that subject is for another time. As I saw this woman crying, my heart led me to approach her and ask if she needed anything. All she said was “water would be nice.” 

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels

Water! My God! It was summer, it was hot, and all she wanted was one of the most basic necessities of life itself! I told her I would get her the water and I went inside. But, I didn’t  want to stop at the water. She very obviously needed food, so I shopped for the biggest sandwich I could find. I picked up a small bag of chips as a treat. I got what I went in there for, then checked out. I put her water, sandwich, chips, and a couple of bucks in change inside a bag, went outside and handed her the bag. She stood up, took the bag, and looked inside as I said, “I hope your day gets better.” 

She looked up at me and smiled through her tears and said, “It already has.” Then she asked if she could give me a hug. I told her yes. I didn’t even hesitate at this request. She put her arms around me, and I put my arms around her. As she sobbed on my shoulder, I could feel every bone in her back: vertebrae, ribs, and shoulder blades. And all I could feel was pure sorrow at her condition. But, I also felt deep joy at being able, in spite of my own homelessness, to help her with food and water. 

She only held onto me for a few seconds, and when she let go she thanked me and walked away in her sock feet. Her tears had stopped. Was this her only need at that moment? How simple and basic was that? How very easy it was for me to give her food and water! 

But, this story is not about me. This story is about her! I do not know her name, but I have chosen to call her Hope. She was in far worse condition than I was. I still had a job, money, access to food, and a car, and she didn’t have any of these things – not even a pair of shoes! And what was my “sacrifice?” 

* acknowledging she had a need & asking her what it was

* 5-7 minutes of my time

* $10

* a few words

* wishing her a better day

* and a hug

What I gave her was no sacrifice on my part at all. It was practically nothing from my perspective, but for her it was the very essence of life itself: 

* food

* water

* being seen & acknowledged as a human being

* given a bit of dignity and respect

* and receiving love through human contact. 

I left there with tears in my eyes. All I could do was pray for her. I have never felt a sense of self-importance in doing a good deed for another human being – especially for Hope. Instead, I have felt blessed in being able to give her life-sustaining essentials. And my only wish is that everyone else would be so kind. If everyone else in this world could stop for 5 minutes and give to someone in need – whatever that translates to – then we would surely live in a better world, and quite possibly not see people fall into such desperate need. 

Photo by Jackson David from Pexels

I often think about her and wonder if anyone was able to pull her up out of such poverty and clear starvation. I would love to believe that she was given hope and a second chance at life instead of despair and mere survival. But instead I fear she may have perished while waiting for that helping hand. 

Jesus taught love. And 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 is perhaps the most powerful, jam packed, information we have ever been given on living a good and rewarding life. These few verses tell clearly what love is, and what it is not. This happens to be the message I try to live by in my life. In extending my hand out to others in love, I hope others will too. Our world is filled with many Hopes, as well as greed, selfishness, fear, and anger. But what if it was filled with love instead? 

And THIS is my mission in life: To love! To love with all my heart. But, in spite of this, I am not perfect and have fallen short in this desire. Love, and my desire to help, may run through my veins, but I too have been hurt by others and I have anger as a result. I have repeatedly trusted in the inherent good of others, and found my trust was misplaced. I have hated at least one person in my life, and I still struggle to find forgiveness in my heart for that person. I am normally a highly forgiving person, so for me not having reached forgiveness for that person tells me I was deeply wounded. The irony is that my hatred, and lack of forgiveness, only eats at MY soul and keeps that wounding alive. I know if I could let go of that anger, hurt, and hatred through forgiveness, I would be healed. I hope that the day I am finally able to let go and finally forgive comes sooner rather than later. 

Remember the popular WWJD? This is more than just a slogan. This is a way of life. May we all open our hearts to forgiveness and find a way to walk in love, carrying love in our hearts for all people – even for the people we feel may least deserve it.

What you can take away are these questions to think about, or to add answers here:

In what way have you found a way to give in love to someone who needed it?

Are there ways you can think of doing so moving forward?